I saw this picture the other day and realized how true it is.
Last night I went longboarding with a magician.
We broke into a pool at 2 a.m. and swam in our pajamas.
Then I went home and ate ice cream.
I'm just really bummed my adventure buddy wasn't there with me.
But there is a month left of summer- only a month. I plan to spend it wisely, of course, by getting no sleep at all.
Early morning thunderstorms.
I shouldn't even be awake right now considering I was up until 2, but I woke up with an irresistible urge to drink maybe just a few gallons of water, and as I pried my eyes open to satisfy my body's annoying need for hydration this early in the morning, I saw out my window a sky completely pink and heard the unmistakable crack of thunder. I raced outside (after getting something to drink, of course), and saw the most peaceful and beautiful sight. Sunrises here are already breathtaking, but combine that with the occasional bolt of lightning and the sound and smell of rain hitting the cement, and you have a pretty great start to your morning.
However, I'm going back to bed. Haha.
Sometimes I just feel stuck, you know? I look at pictures of far away places and I dream, and that's all I want... But... I'm stuck.
I saw this picture that said, "I just want to drop everything and travel the world with somebody who wants to just as bad as I do."
Oh, how my heart and soul longs for that. Sometimes I tell myself I will. I'll save up lots of money, get a dog as a travel companion, and just be off, wherever the wind takes me. It's such a beautiful thought. I feel so trapped here sometimes, and sometimes I feel like everything is all topsy-turvy and I don't know up from down. The only time I'm happy is when I'm boarding or biking somewhere far. Ten miles, fifteen miles, I don't care. I just go until I'm ready to pass out. I just want to go.
But I guess I'll just look at pictures and dream...
The ocean is magical and terrifying and beautiful. I love it so much. I have decided that my goal this week is to concentrate very hard and sacrifice my body and soul until I either become one with the waves, or turn into a mermaid.
Goodbye forever.
I was out boarding and I was exiting the apartment complex I live in, when I noticed a giant sea of black in the baseball field right in front of me. Upon closer inspection, it turned out to be an enormous flock of black birds. I really love birds, so you can imagine my excitement. I turned my phone down low and quietly crossed the street, but when I set my board down the ground it made too loud of a noise and the birds were off.
It sounded like the pages of a hundred books flapping, and in seemingly one movement, the sea rose to form a monstrous black wave, then it changed form again as the birds glided higher, first to the right, then to the left, making a strange blob- like shape that resembled the liquid inside my lava lamp.
I was hoping they would fly over me, but they finally settled on a direction, which was opposite to where I was standing.
I pulled out my phone but my camera is too lame to take pictures of important stuff, like birds and the moon. But I had to capture that moment, so I sat down on the sidewalk of a major road, pulled out my journal, ignored the stares, and began to write.
I left because I realized staying there was detrimental to my mental well-being. I left, and I'm glad I did. But do you know what it feels like to slowly lose every person you love throughout the years until there's no one left?
Lonely.
It's nights like these I just need to listen to music until I stop thinking. But oh man, I love boarding at this time of night. It feels like I'm the only person left on the planet, and all my insecurities and anxieties slip away and I can just be.
Why do people care so much what people think? I talked to Scarlett tonight. Out loud. I looked like a crazy woman. And I felt crazy, too. But maybe I've always been crazy I've just kept it quiet and in my head haha. It was hard to talk to her out loud because I'm so accustomed to caring about what other people think (although I know no one was listening- its 1am). But you know, afterwards, I had never felt more like myself. Not since I was little, anyway, and truly did not care what people thought and hugged trees and talked to myself and did not care in the least. I want to do that more. I want to live completely free of insecurities. I want to stop caring what people think of me and just be. And I will, my journey starts now. Imagine how completely free it will feel. Crap, I hear police sirens. Probably someone in one of the houses reported a crazy teenage girl talking to a tree at one in the morning.(; I say this jokingly, but I'm just gonna go... Hahaha. Peace.
